I Am Free

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
Where to start I went to the women’s retreat and wow how awesome!
First let me start with a prayer. Dear God I lift Your name on high! I ask that You
be with me and bless all my brothers and sisters. This testimony is to glorify You!
Throughout my life I have felt Your presence but until the day I hit rock bottom I did
not know how deep Your love for me was. As I sat there with a handful of pills ready
to take my life; I fell to my knees cried out Your name and You held me in Your arms
and I still fill Your presence when You are around me.

My one question was always why? Why this? Why that? I always wondered why a
loving God would let an innocent child be so badly abused by the hands of her own
family member. I was mad very mad at God!

Time goes by I meet the love of my life I am happy. I get married have five children,
whom I call gifts from God. Not mad at God anymore figure He and church are worth
another try. Things seem to improve and I feel good, but deep down inside there is a
depression. My weight is out of control at 315lbs. I was crying inside.

In June of 2001 I have a Gastric bypass everything seemed fine but four months post
op I got severely sick. Had to be rushed to hospital where I was told they were going
to Med flight me back to Texas where I had the surgery. I was in constant pain- it
took 10 months for them to find the problem. I had to have seven more surgeries. I
died on the table two times and God spared me I spent over 195 days in the hospital.
I came home on a pic line (feeding line) for 18 months. I grew depressed.

I got a liver infection and a blood clot. Things just didn’t seem like they were getting
better and at this time I felt very alone and very far away from God. I wanted to take
my own life again I was consumed with death. I got scared and went to the ER where
they sent me to a psychiatric hospital for 18 days. They put me on a lot of meds-
three that caused weight gain and in four months I gained 80lbs back -that was rock
bottom.

Then I find High Mill Church and I like it. Things are improving and my son
Christopher stands by my side; he encourages me and inspires me. I feel the Holy
Spirit speaking to me telling me I am not alone and He has so much more good
things in store for me. I meet Kim Dent and she welcomes me with open arms
and a warm heart. I go on the Ladies retreat and find that I am not alone in my
struggles. I get prayed for over and over and man wow I am set free!! Free of the
past that’s been haunting me; free of the guilt I feel for putting my family through
so much stress. I am a work in progress. My new name is Beloved and I believe
that is God’s cry to my heart, telling me I am not alone. I am His and I am worthy!
Deuteronomy 33:12 “Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him for He shields
him all day long and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders. I am free
because he who the Lord sets free is free indeed!”
-Karla